I've been avoiding writing this page because honestly, I don't like thinking about this stuff. I don't usually mind talking about it, but sometimes when I've been having a rough time, thinking about it just hurts. That being said, I'm more than willing to tell you all about it. Before I do though, I just wanna give another big
We'll go in chronological order. This obviously isn't the first bad relationship I've ever had, but it's the first one in (and the catalyst of) an era of my life that was chock full of shitty relationships. I think I was 15 or 16 at the time, and I met a guy who I'll call "K", as that was his first initial. I met him on Twitter (already a bad start) and ended up in a polyamorous relationship with him and a few other people after only a very short time of knowing him. I know that this was a poor idea, as I barely knew him, but I was a kid. Getting into relationships far too early is a common theme during this era of my life, and I believe that if I hadn't rushed so much, I very well could have avoided most if not all of the trauma I obtained during this era of my life. The first relationship of this era was with K and his polycule. At that time, I believe there were only two other people in the polycule. A guy who's name I can't remember, and a guy who I'll call "T". Everything was lovely for a while, and I was (or rather thought I was) very happy. However, things took a turn for the worst when I found out that T was 22 years old. Again, I was 16 at the time, and he knew this. In my infinite youthful stupidity, however, I was willing to let it slide, as the AOC in his state was 16. And I did let it slide until about a week later, when I found out he had been cheating on us with a 14 year old. It was at that point I thankfully grew disillusioned with him, and ended up going off on him. The drama with this lasted a few days and by the end of it that polycule was over.
Fast forward a bit, K and I have started another polycule. My memories of this era are quite hazy, as it was several years ago, but I'll do my best to recollect. At this point the important characters in the polycule are K and two new people who I'll call "S" and "M". I had met S around the time the drama with T was going on, and got into a relationship with him shortly after, bringing him into the polycule. Things were uneventful for a while until K brought M into the polycule. I fell in love with M pretty quickly, and M, S and I were probably the closest to one another out of everyone. At the time, I truly loved them. And it was around this time that K left the polycule. He did not end up being a great person. When he left, it was for someone he had only just met, despite the fact that at this point he'd known me for probably around a year and everyone else in the polycule for about 6 months. He did end up coming back when his relationship with the other person went south, but he'd already broken our trust. At that point, The poly mainly consisted of me, M and S. The deal with K ended up bringing us closer together, for a little while.
I'm not sure what the trouble was that started it, but eventually M began growing distant. To avoid not making this page too large, as it's bound to be larger than the others already, I'll cut right to the chase. He basically exploded in my face one day about how much he hated me, wished he hadn't met me, etc; and S ended up leaving with him. At the time, I struggled a lot with self loathing, and this only made it worse. For a very, very long time I blamed myself for losing them. They did end up coming back, and I did end up getting hurt by them again. In fact, only last year did I finally realize that none of what happened was my fault. M and S leaving ended up marking the end of the era of my life that was mostly defined by them and the pain they'd caused me.
That does not mean, however, that I didn't still have bad relationships afterwards. There are two that spring to mind. We'll talk about the one with "L" first. I can't even begin to explain what a horrible person he was. He manipulated me very, very much, and ended up turning me into a fundamentally different person than I really was. (Another trigger warning for this next part, because it really is disgusting.) He was literally just a straight up pedophile, and rather than try to deny it and cover his ass like T did, L was proud of it. He was also an advocator for bestiality. I knew all this was wrong, but at the time he had manipulated me so hard into thinking that he was a good person, that rather than saying "hey, fuck you, get help", I believed I could help him break his habits and become a better person. It took quite the intervention from some of my friends to make me finally leave him, and it took even longer still for me to repair myself from the person he had turned me into.
We're at the last one, now.
The last notable bad relationship I had with someone was with who I'll call "LV". My relationship with her was great for a long time. I loved her, and I thought she did too. She was happy, she seemed genuinely interested in making me happy, and for a while I truly thought that I'd found a good person to spend my life with. Our relationship was quite healthy for almost a year before things went south. Eventually, she stopped talking to me as much, and I confronted her about it one day. She ended up exploding on me quire similarly to the way M did, telling me she hated me and my mental issues. At the time, I still hadn't completely healed from L. For that matter, I still hadn't completely healed from the trust, self loathing, and abandonment issues S and M had given me, and LV doing what she did set back that healing by a lot.
Fortunately, nowadays I am much more picky about who I give myself to, and I'm much happier as well. I'm in a good relationship and have been for nearly four years, and life is good. I've improved as a person, and while I haven't fully healed yet from everything I was put through, I'm certainly much better off than I used to be.